I’ve got the annual birthday blues, and I use astrology to make sense of why this happens
Time to reclaim your joy!
My Birthday Is Coming Up
I’m turning 29 in 2 weeks.
I told myself that I’ll make sure every birthday up to my 31st is a good one — mostly a trip abroad to an exotic destination or fancy dining experience to commemorate the day.
If you’re wondering why 31st — that’s some arbitary rule me and my friends joked about, when we“get off the calendar”, because there are only 31 days in a month, which means I only have 2 or 3 years to make them really count.
When I was a kid, I never celebrated birthdays. I was an angry teenager and I didn’t want to exist.
As I got into my 20s, a friend made me realize the importance of birthdays, and that’s how I coined my instagram name — @lisaitsurbirthday. I’ve kept this name for the years since.
28, I was at the Taal volcano in the Philippines.
27, I was in Hong Kong, during the pandemic.
26, I made it a Bitcoin virtual birthday.
25, I was in Rajasthan, India.
24, I was in Shanghai, China.
I’m planning 29 for a nice little retreat in Ubud, Bali, to re-live the Eat, Pray, Love experience!
On each of these birthdays, I remember whether I was in a relationship, whether I was with friends, whether I made it into a big party or intimate experience, who made it to the guestlist, and most importantly, how I felt about the conditions surrounding my birthday.
The human experience is inherently defined by time.
We organize our lives around its framework, using it as a crucial reference for the changing seasons and as a measure of our lifespan on earth. It is a measure of our own time spent and left.
Celebrating birthdays as milestones might appear frivolous, but as I’ve aged and faced with my own mortality, a reality I am facing is that life does change with every year, and so each additional year of life was indeed a significant achievement worthy of celebration, whether in go-all-out ways or even tiny, no-attentioned-needed ones.
And that’s why, in the past 10 years, I’ve valued the celebration of birthdays.
Photo by Alexandr Podvalny on Unsplash
But why feel blue around this time?
While I grapple with mixed feelings of being a late November baby — including having my birthday almost seemingly merged in with the holiday season, which adds another complex layer to my experience of the Birthday Blues, I ponder on why Birthday Blues are a thing.
Birthdays are often depicted as joyous occasions deserving of celebration.
Yet, for many people, the experience of birthdays coming round the corner can be the complete opposite — often stirring up mixed emotions such as but not limited to sadness, apathy, melancholy, and sorrow.
With brutal honesty, I admit that I am no stranger to these emotions. Why? Here are my key reasons.
The spotlight isn’t always on you. As adults, you may notice how people pay less attention to you — especially the older you get. Adults get really busy and the attention isn’t on you all the time. This sucks because there is a feeling of being forgotten.
A reminder of aging. It’s a designated day when we officially acknowledge our increased age, even though the transition from the days before feels subtle and imperceptible. Regrettably, the prospect of aging isn’t typically met with enthusiasm, making a birthday a poignant reminder that we’re not getting younger. With a keen mind however, we can reframe this into aging gracefully — a concept I have welcomed with open arms. I do think I get better as I age.
Social pressure, and I think this is the worst one. Why do birthdays in movies or on the Instagram feed look so good? Extravagant parties set an impossibly high standard, so in the years where I opt for a low-key birthday celebration with just myself, my partner, or even just a few close friends, I question whether or not I measure up.
Bonus: It gets worse for festive babies. This time of year, when festivities are in full swing and people are wrapped up in holiday preparations and family celebrations, it is not uncommon to feel as if our birthdays are overshadowed or merged into the broader holiday season. This blending of personal celebration with the collective holiday cheer feels as though our birthdays aren’t given the distinct attention and recognition we might desire. It doesn’t feel exclusive.
So now that I’ve explained what exactly these Birthday Blues are, I’ve got something even better — the theory on why we experience them explained with astrology.
Image created by Open AI. Prompts — portrait of a white horse blindfolded, in a fantastical and mystical daytime setting, with dramatic sunbeams and sun rays.
I’ve got a theory, and it’s called “The Blind Spot”
Blind spot, huh?
With astrology, the birthday is also known as the Solar (Sun) Return.
This happens when the Sun returns to the same position in the sky during the time of your birth, at a specific latitude and longitude viewed from Earth.
eg. November babies will have the Sun rising point shifting slightly towards the southeast in the Northern hemisphere, and northeast in the Southern hemisphere. Essentially, it takes the Earth 365 days to revolve around the Sun, and the Sun is coming back to the point in the sky viewed from Earth when you were born.
The Sun is a main luminary in astrology. It’s a symbol of our core self, our identity, and our ego. It represents the essence of who we are and essential vitality.
This is a significant moment astrologically, a time that comes with self-reflection and consideration of personal growth and goals.
Transiting Sun is moving slowly towards my Natal Sun (Solar Return). It will take a month more before forming an exact conjunction.
During the Solar Return, as the transiting Sun moves to align with its natal position, there’s a sense of returning home, re-aligning with our core self.
But just before this alignment, there’s a brief phase where the Sun is close to its natal position but not quite there yet — it’s like it knows where it needs to be but can’t see the spot clearly.
It’s like being the driver of your own vehicle — where something is outside of your peripheral vision — you know it’s there, but you can’t see it directly. It’s so near, yet not fully in sync.
There is a feeling of anticipation — a feeling of something significant just round the corner, but not quite here yet. This nearness without alignment can create a sense of disorientation.
Image created by Open AI. Prompts — a red Ferarri in the center lane of three lanes driving forward on the road
For me, it felt as if my sense of self, my ego, my identity, was searching for its anchor, for who its supposed to be, but it can’t quite locate what is is just yet.
This uncertainty, this almost-there feeling, resonates with the emotions face around my birthday.
This cosmic metaphor of the Sun — so vital and so central to our being, yet momentarily unsure of its exact place — aligns with the essence of the Birthday Blues.
It’s as if, during this time, my ego and identity are in a state of flux, aware of their imminent renewal but not yet able to grasp it fully.
There is an overarching feeling of restlessness, a sense of being on the brink of something significant yet unable to fully embrace it.
The Sun’s journey mirrors my own — a longing for a clear sense of identity, and a quest for self-realization, yet finding myself in a sort of limbo state.
No aspects made to the Natal Sun when it’s so close to the conjunction
There’s also the question of aspects — When the transiting Sun makes no aspects (trines, squares, oppositions or sextiles) to other planets in the natal chart during the Solar Return, there is a lack of external influences or triggers. This leads to feelings of stagnation or introspection, as the Sun’s energy is not being actively channeled or amplified by interactions with other planetary energies.
Reflecting on this, I’ve come to appreciate this brief blind spot not just as a time of uncertainty or melancholy, but as an in-between phase in the cycle of growth.
It’s a reminder that even in moments of uncertainty, we are in the process of moving towards greater self-awareness and authenticity.
Just as the transiting Sun eventually finds its precise conjunction aspect to the natal Sun, we too can find clarity and a renewed sense of self after a period of introspection and anticipation.
It’s as if the buildup of uncertainty sneaks in and peaks on the actual day or days leading up to the conjunction, and then as soon as the conjunction ends, it quickly dissipates, leaving behind a parting gift of relief.
Furthermore, birthdays are not to be a time overshadowed by the broader festivities, but are important personal journeys inward, a quiet prelude to a new chapter of self-discovery and affirmation.
Now ending this piece, I have to say:
I’m looking forward to the last of my 20s birthday — and with the idea of a “blind spot” of the Sun in mind, I feel more aware of what’s going on, and reinforces why I love astrology — it serves as a divine map of the skies that charter a way forward in life with clarity and precision.
